Aimless and Unmotivated

Do you ever just feel like you're going through the motions, just going along with life as it sees fit, not how you would like it to go?

I don't know what's wrong with me of late, but I just cannot pull myself together.

I mean there's nothing wrong with my life, I just feel like I'm going nowhere.

I'm not motivated to run, I'm not motivated to write - blog posts or my book, I'm not motivated to do anything. Work doesn't seem as enjoyable anymore, I'm tired of living with these people but also scared to move on somewhere new.

I'm also at that point in the year where my body has decided it doesn't like the change in the weather so it's produced a mass outbreak all over my chest and back which, yanno, doesn't make me feel any better about myself. Grand.

I hate having these down moments and I feel awful for moaning about it considering these problems aren't proper problems for the likes of those who are homeless or disaster has struck their homes. Those people out there who would give anything for a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs. But I guess everyone has their own problems to deal with.

The picture above was taken whilst I was at my grandparents on Saturday. It was the most relaxing long weekend I've had in a while.

I had from Wednesday off and I drove home on Thursday. I spent the majority of my time unpacking my room as it had all been packed up for my carpet to be redone (and if that doesn't contrast completely with a couple sentences above then I don't know what does). It was so calming to go through all my teenage memories and relive them.

I chucked a lot of stuff or bagged it for charities which made me feel like I was doing some good in the world.

I considered last year even going to another country to help in the rainforests or in building volunteer projects or in helping with disaster relief. But I didn't realise you had to pay a couple of grand just to volunteer. Why is the world ruled by money?

Getting sidetracked... anyways, after unpacking all of Friday and a bit of Thursday afternoon it was nice to spend the day at my grandparents and chill out in the sun. Their garden is so beautiful, full of colourful flowers and wildlife ornaments.

I sometimes wish I could spend more time there. Living in London has separated me from my family even more and it bugs me.

Adeel is so close to his family and gets to see them all very frequently. I feel like an awful granddaughter, cousin, sister, niece, friend because I'm never around.

I feel like I've already said all of this. But I don't feel needed.

And TV shows don't help. They're all perfect and beautiful. Yes they're not real but they make me feel insignificant and disgusted with myself.

God that was depressing. Just a big fat bleurgh of thoughts all over this page.

Now I'm going to go and finish reading HP7 because a little bit of magic always makes me feel better.

✌︎

Lazy

You know when you're just too lazy to do anything?

Yeah, I feel like that now.

In fact I've felt like it for a few weeks now.

My eating habits have become worse, I haven't been consistently running, I can't be assed to blog and I'm just tired of everything.

I'm also majorly busy at work and have so much to do at home as well that I just find myself not feeling like I have much time for anything these days.

I need to start organising myself better again and getting my motivation back.

I promise I will get back into blogging again, it's just for now I feel no urge to do it.

Write soon x

😴

Should Photography Be Something That's Studied?

I've had a lot of thought on this subject. But it's something I really should have thought about a lot more before I took it on for five years through college and then university.

Through reading a lot of blogs and interviews lately, whether they're well-known or unknown photographers, has got me thinking about my own choices in studying photography.

In the majority of these interviews, said photographers have all been asked the question 'Where did you learn photography?' and their answers have pretty much always been 'I'm self-taught'.

And their body of work is amazing. It doesn't matter if they're even just on Instagram - they have photographs that reach people and that they're proud of and it's all because they've gone in their own direction instead of being set projects to adhere to and then being told what's "wrong" with your work when photography is supposed to be subjective??

Woah. Clearly I have some pent up anger with this subject.

So why did I choose photography? It all started really when I was playing around, photographing the park we always went to one summer with my dad and sisters. He just happened to mention that he thought I had a good 'eye' for photos which kinda stuck in my mind.

I didn't seriously think about it though until college. My art class was dropped due to lack of interest and I was worried about what subject I'd pick up instead because I really didn't think I was suited to anything like sociology or maths or science. My worst nightmare. Instead I picked psychology as I thought it would be interesting (hardest. subject. ever).

And so photography, being the only creative outlet I had, was what I turned to (being one of my three subjects - psych, english lit/lang and photography (I didn't pick up film until second year).

So, like I said above I studied photography for 2 years in college and even though I loathed the teacher I, for some very strange reason, then went on to study a further 3 years at University. Um, what?

I don't know how my brain figured that one out. But after five years of crappy teachers and being told my work wasn't good enough when I've worked my absolute ass off was a little disheartening and these days I don't even want to pick up a camera that often any more, if at all.

That's probably why the majority of my posts tend to fall into the review category because I find it easier to quickly snap a photo of a book or something than trying to think up something creative. In fact, I find the writing of blog posts easier than the taking of photos.

So, no, I don't think photography should be something that's studied because, in my experience, it blocks the creative process within you, it doesn't bring out what you can do best because you have project rules to abide by and teachers breathing down your neck about what they think is best when in reality that's just their ideas being forced onto you.

Okay, I understand they have a marking scheme to look to and it is useful to get feedback on your work and sure, it's good if you want to learn about the technical stuff like exposure or depth of field. But - in all honesty - you can learn that basic stuff online if you really wanted to and then be free to explore your passion on your own. Anyone will give you feedback, it doesn't necessarily have to be from someone with a photography background.

I do not regret my choice however, because I met my best friend in college and my boyfriend in uni. It all could've been very different if I had chosen to study something else instead ✌︎

p.s. don't you think the emoji chocolates are cute? Got them for Adeel for Valentine's 🙊



📷

Two Thousand And Seventeen

Happy New Year!

As always, my intention to blog got sidetracked this Christmas period...

I managed the few odd days but I didn't post everything I wanted to, leaving me with things overhanging into the New Year.

I've literally just been texting my friend about setting goals for the year.

We've both already set our Goodreads one (mine's set for 50 books this year) and I've also just set my running one - 180 miles. That's more than double what I did this year but I'm feeling optimistic.

All that's left really are the standard New Year resolutions.

Now, I haven't thoroughly thought these through but I may come back and add to them if I can think of any more!

Here they are:

✽ To be kinder. I'm not sure why exactly, but I don't feel like I've been a very nice person of late so this year I'd like to stop, take a moment, and think before I open my mouth.

✽To move out of this house. It's been mentioned numerous times on my behalf but I'm determined that that was the last New Years in this house.

✽To visit at least three countries whether that be alone or with someone. I want to break out of my comfort zone and start exploring. Maybe my love for photography will also come back if I don't have any teacher-set boundaries.

✽To spend a bit more time offline. Now that I'm working in an office, I realise I spend the majority of my time looking at a screen of some sort and quite frankly I'm worried I'm wasting my life watching TV or scrolling aimlessly through blogs. It's time to log off a bit more.

✽I hate myself for this one but I would like to eat less sugar. I have a real sweet tooth but I'm worried with the amount I consume. It may not be pretty for my moods for the first little while but I noticed a big difference in my energy levels when I started to eat more fruit and veg and maybe my skin will clear up with less sugar in my diet!

✽To get out more. To Adeel's annoyance I've suddenly always got ants in my pants in the fact that I always want to get out at a weekend and actually do something. I'm tired of sitting in all the time, watching TV. I want to go out for breakfast, I want to go to the top of the Shard (I work right next to it for God's sake!), I want to go on spontaneous road trips whether that be a half hour drive away or an eight hour drive away, I even want to go out in the evenings to a bar maybe or whatever people my age tend to do - I may not like it but at least I can say I've tried it again. This also includes more date-like activities. We did a little better this year but a lot of stuff kept getting in the way. I want time for us to be together.

✽To finish my darn book! I have got to stop writing this as a goal and actually do it. I'm quite close to be fair but I still think it needs a lot of work and I'm terrified of actually handing it over to a publishing company which is probably why I keep putting off finishing it...

✽To stop hoarding. I have so much stuff that I have absolutely no room in this one bedroom I rent. Unless I absolutely love a book or a piece of clothing or an object, I want to give it away. Others are in need of things and I feel awful for having all this stuff that probably goes to waste. I have already started to give my old clothes away but I want to continue.

✽Improve. I've decided this is going to be my word of the year. I constantly want to be improving in myself, my work, my art, my experiences, my relationships, my goals.

Wishing you all the best for the year to come.



∞

What I'm Loving Right Now

It's been a while since I've done one of these roundups.

I might try and make them a monthly thing next year so it seems a bit more consistent round here.

But, we'll see how that goes!

Also, in my last post I said I'd go over my week at home before realising there's not that much to go over, just a few photos to share which are in this post.

Anyways, here's what I'm loving right now:

1) Re-reading the Harry Potter series - mateeeeeeee, I love these books. I've been meaning to re-read them for some time of late but have just had so many other books piling up in my room that I felt it was stupid to re-read something that's, obviously, already been read. I stopped caring though. Fantastic Beasts has just come out, it's almost Christmas and there's just something about these magical books that are all Christmassy for me. LOVE IT.

2) Selection of movies on at the moment at the cinema - Apart from the annoying fact they moved Underworld: Blood War to FEBRUARY, God damn it, I am thoroughly looking forward to seeing Bad Santa 2, Fantastic Beasts, Allied and Sully.

3) Nearly finished all my Christmas shopping - I am usually pretty organised but last year (I don't know why) was awful. I mean I didn't buy my step-dad's presents until August, August ffs. Granted I wasn't seeing him til late August, but still. I just have three or four more people left to buy for and then I just need to wrap everything and write my cards and hey ho I'm done.

4) Have passed four years with Adeel and starting to plan more things for the future - I'm hesitant to say anything really because every time I do it doesn't happen, but we might have actually mentioned about three holidays next year and I AM SO EXCITED. I have been dying to go away and nothing has fallen into place so I've been awfully grumpy. These past four years have also been the best and I can't wait to spend many more years to come with the love of my life.

5) Even though I feel like I've had a bit of a shit couple of months, I'm really appreciating my friends and family right now, Adeel as well  - I don't know what's going on at the moment with everything, with me, my bladdy hormones flying everywhere. But I am so angry all of the damn time, I've cried a lot, and I'm just plain aggravated at the slightest thing. I've felt awfully alone and considering I'm in a houseshare in London, I really shouldn't feel that way. But I've met up and chatted deeply with my close friends and family so am feeling a bit happier now.

6) Eating healthier and running consistently still (ish) - Okay, so as I write this I may have just demolished a dominoes pizza and cookies and I may have also had a chinese a few days ago and not eaten much fruit this week or ran so far this week, but hellooo it's my week off. I've started alternating having sandwiches for lunch with salads (made by me, not those pre-made ones doused in dressing) at work and I'm trying to eat three or four fruits also a day, as well as having pretty healthy dinners and not eating as much sugar as normal. AND even though it's winter, we're still running about twice a week around other things that crop up. So, sort of doing well, aha.

7) Writing is really coming along - As in I literally only have a few more chapters to write up from my first draft and then I can just get cracking on editing and adding extra scenes in that I may have missed in my haste the first time. And then it's just trying to get published. Oh God...

8) I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! - I missed last years show due to being in Dubai for two weeks at the end of November and I was gutted. This is the one show out of X-Factor, Strictly, Britain's Got Talent that I genuinely love. The others I can do without (in fact I do without most of them), but there's just something about watching celebs suffer out of their usual environment that's so entertaining!

The Wise Man's Fear

By Patrick Rothfuss.

Narrated by Rupert Degas.

Image From Goodreads

[Sequel to the extraordinary THE NAME OF THE WIND, THE 

WISE MAN'S FEAR is the second instalment of this superb

fantasy trilogy from Patrick Rothfuss. This is the most exciting 

fantasy series since George R. R. Martin's A SONG OF ICE AND

FIRE, a must-read for all fans of HBO's GAME OF THRONES.

Picking up the tale of Kvothe Kingkiller once again, we follow

him into exile, into political intrigue, courtship, adventure, love

and magic... and further along the path that has turned Kvothe,

the mightiest magician of his age, a legend in his own time, into

Kote, the unassuming pub landlord.

Packed with as much magic, adventure and home-grown drama

as THE NAME OF THE WIND, this is a sequel in every way the

equal to its predecessor and a must-read for all fantasy fans.

Readable, engaging and gripping THE WISE MAN'S FEAR is the

biggest and the best new fantasy novel out there.]

I have a tonne of reviews to write up, so bear with me if there's not many lifestyle posts around!

I am falling more and more in love with these books. Patrick Rothfuss' writing is absolutely a-ma-zing.

There was a lot more action in this one compared to the first one, but, still, even the everyday mundane activities the book covered or the slower moments were made to be interesting yet again. 

I don't know how he does it. There's just something about the way that he writes that makes me feel so engaged, I love it. I could only ever hope to write to near his standard someday.

I still think Kvothe is a brilliant character. It was great to see him break away from the University for a bit, although this then lead to a lack of Sim and Will, but the new characters along his journey were also great. I especially enjoyed Kvothe's interactions with Tempi.

The villains were amplified upping the stakes a great deal. It was great to start off with his university rival again and then to progress onto darker, more powerful enemies on his travels.

I found the Fae aspect very interesting indeed. It shows the good and bad in people, no one is wholly good or bad but a mixture of both.

The fleeting on-off romance with Denna was both lovely and frustrating. You root for them so much but then a lot of things do end up getting in the way.

The twist at the end I did not see coming (and still am trying to understand if it was a twist or me just reading it the wrong way!), but I cannot wait for book three!! He needs to hurry up and finish writing it.

✌︎

What I'm Loving Right Now

For the last few weeks now, I've left it until the last possible minute to write these posts, I've taken pretty much three weeks off of running with going back home a couple of times and I seem to have lost all motivation of writing again.

Maybe it's because it's the end of summer and as the colder weather starts to creep back in I'm feeling a different kind of lazy.

The summer lazy is understandable, it's warm, you're sleepy, it's nice to just lounge in the sun, etcetera etcetera.

But this kind of lazy is just a tiredness in which I can't find the motivation to do anything. 

I've been powering through One Tree Hill again and they've just graduated high school and it's gone on to being four years later and it just astounds me that the majority of them can have their dreams come true so quickly. (I know it's just a TV show but it makes me want to work a little harder for my dream).

I really really want to be a writer, someone who writes incredible novels that people want to pick up and read, maybe even a bestseller. But, although I've written one novel (and am still in the process of editing it), I'm terrified it won't be good enough.

Like, there are so many stories and books out there that why would anyone decide to choose mine to read?

I don't know what to do, so I keep reading for inspiration.

I may start writing snippets that come into my head on here - unrelated to my book, just peaks into other stories I may expand on in the future.

I'm too scared of what others may think, but I also need opinions and giving it to my friends and family to read is one thing, but they're obviously going to be biased.

A couple of posts ago I wrote about facing your fears, and this is one I've yet to overcome.

Anyway, rambling aside, here are the things I've been loving recently:

Images From Pinterest

1. TV - The Musketeers, The Strain, Containment, Stranger Things - I just think TV has gotten so much better of late. I loved the final season of The Musketeers, it obviously wasn't the most realistic of endings but I wouldn't have exactly been happy if they'd killed anyone else off! Containment and Stranger Things are two new series I've been trying and they are so so good right now. I think with both of them I have about three episodes left of each! The Strain has also just re-started for it's third season and I have to say, it is so tense and gripping. I LOVE IT. (I seem to have a weird obsession with virus-y type programmes of late).

2. iPhone SE - I upgraded a few days ago, and although it looks exactly the same as my 5S, it is rose gold and has way more space for my photos. IOS 10 is also amazing. Me and Adeel have pretty much been conversing in GIFs alone of late, it's hilarious.

3. Fred Perry shoes - I wanted some new white plimsol-like trainers for ages and I saw this cute pair on ASOS. They weren't by any means cheap, and they are definitely a little dirtier now, but they're cute and I can wear them with anything.

4. Driving - I'm slowly gaining my confidence with driving again. I keep getting sudden urges to drive a bit further than just around the block or to Tescos, but I'm not entirely sure where to go. I need a proper destination and to set up my phone so that I can use it as a SatNav before I try anything too far!

5. My boyfriend - It's coming up to our four year anniversary and I'm mega excited. Not because we've planned anything special yet or anything, just because it means we will have gotten past the point last time in the relationship where we couldn't figure out how to go further. (Plus it's been four years ago around this time that we met each other for the first time! Eek.)

6. My friends - since spending time at home and being able to see my friends again (and getting my car), I've been thinking about trying to see them all a bit more. It's so difficult us all living so far apart, but hopefully the car will help with that. It's great to spend time with them, it makes me feel like I'm not alone, even just texting them. (I've been feeling very lonely of late and I'm not sure why.)

7. Working on my future - I've been at my job now, officially, for just coming up to a year (it's been a bit longer if you include work experience and interning too). We've just had our annual review things and I've been looking at new places to live and trying to get back into my writing again. It's a slow process but the future is looking bright, I hope :)

Letting Go Of Fear

I've realised of late that I've been letting fear get the better of me again.

It's not anywhere near as bad as last time, in fact it's a whole different kind of fear (not so much the emetophobia I suffered from before, fear fear).

I've been going running now for quite a few months, yet every time my housemate is busy I feel like I can't go without him for fear of being attacked or laughed at or judged.

It may sound silly, but I've heard a lot of "horror" stories, as it were, about solo female runners and, well, I don't exactly feel like I live in the safest of areas.

So, the solution would be to run in a more public place right? 

Wrong. 

I can't stand the idea of being all sweaty and out of breath and hideous in front of loads of strangers in cars, on bikes, in groups. It makes my heart get all jittery and my stomach ties itself into a million knots.

I just feel ridiculous and like a coward, yet this is the one exercise I've found I really enjoy and keeps me fit and motivated.

There's also the fact that I just bought my first car and I drove it back to London and all of that weekend with my boyfriend beside me, giving me pointers and whatnot, comforting me.

But there comes a point when one must attempt it alone.

It terrifies me that after four years since passing my test they just allow you to get behind the steering wheel once more without so much as a freshen up of a driving lesson as a requirement.

I guess it's difficult for that sort of thing to be enforced but trying to get used to driving again with all the things you have to keep an eye on and all the things you have to remember and getting used to a new car is really really daunting and hard, especially in London.

I won't wear dresses or skirts or show much leg at all because I think they're too pale and people will judge me.

I don't tend to go places alone, especially not restaurants, for fear of looking like a loner or getting picked on by some weirdo. 

It always happens, even just walking down the street, some weirdo will pick me to hurl his insults at or (and this is probably worse) the wolf whistling and cat-calling. It's horrible. I can never tell whether they're being serious or not. Plus it makes me feel really uncomfortable, either way.

I won't finish my book because I'm scared it's just not good enough. I keep putting it off even though I love writing it.

I feel like a coward and like I'm being stupid because I can't seem to work up the courage to do any of these things alone or at all.

What happened to being a strong, independent woman huh if I need someone to do these things with me?

---

I wrote this post a few days ago.

Since then, I have in fact driven by myself - albeit only around the block a few times. But I managed to parallel park by myself and I didn't stall once. That equals success in my books.

I wore a dress today, out in Westfield, on a busy Sunday and I ran by myself this morning.

I still need to work on them, trust me, but there's still time to progress.

I will beat back my fears one step at a time.

What I Want To Do In The Next 6 Months

I just sat opposite a man on the tube who had the hairiest chest and, equally, hairy mole right on his chin. I honestly thought he had a goatee at first... Whoops.

Anyways, as my countdown app kindly reminded me this morning, it's just six months to Christmas (as I write this post) and that brings me to look back on my resolutions from January. 

I haven't quite achieved many of them as of yet, but I've created another similar list of goals in this post of what I would like to have achieved in the next 6 months.

I don't know how much I can actually accomplish with my ever dwindling motivation, but maybe this will get my butt into gear. So here goes:

1. To visit home/friends/my dad more

2. To book my trip to Venice

3. To buy a sketch book and start drawing again

4. To finish the second draft of my novel

5. To travel more, even if just in England

6. To do a writing retreat and lock myself in a hotel away from home and get a substantial amount of writing done

7. To find more inspiration. Create mood boards if I have to in order for my motivation to return

8. To meet some more of Adeel's family

9. And to equally not worry so much about it and what people think

10. To celebrate Adeel's new job (when he gets one)

11. To donate money and the rest of my unwanted clothes to charity

12. To have a clear out and a tidy up of my room

13. To take more photos in photo booths or more photos in general

14. To decide when I want to return to Dubai and visit my mum and Neil

15. To run 96 more miles

16. To increase the percentage of my wages going in to my pension

17. To stop buying cheap clothes that always seem to fray or break easily, buy something expensive and durable

18. To find a new home, one that we can start calling our own with new furniture and everything

19. To give away or sell all my old textbooks

20. To spend more time offline



✌

Girl Crush: Carrie Bradshaw

I was late to the Sex and the City party. As in the only reason I actually came across it was because all of my family were out one night (same old homebody, aren't I?) and I was bored of watching Friends reruns. No good films were on either, I believe. But I came across a couple of episodes of Sex and the City and thought why the hell not?

I'd heard good things about it. Very good things. But I didn't know how much I would actually enjoy it. Yes, the show was a little dated but some of the fashion items, New York city in all her glory and each career of the four girls was enough for me, something to envy and look up to even. 

And so my girl crush on Miss Bradshaw commenced.

The strong female leads were definitely something that drew me in, with each of them teaching me many lessons about life, relationships, careers and whatnot, especially that you can be your own woman without a man to make you happy (although it is pretty good to have one too).

Anyways, moving on.

I can't remember a specific time of wanting to be a writer, but it has always been there in the background, amongst the fleeting careers idea of wanting to be an artist, a photographer and even a tattooist at one point (crazy I know, but I was heavily influenced by the likes of America's Next Top Model and Miami Ink during my teen years!)

Writing gives me freedom, escapism, life. I absolutely adore it. And so whenever I see a protagonist that is a writer, I instantly click with them, wanting to be them, looking for hints in any way shape or form to get to where I want to be.

So - for me - this makes Carrie's life perfect. I aspire to have one like hers. I want to write books, to be published, to have a meaning in somebody's life, to have my own place where I can escape to and write to my hearts content, hell I'd even try writing a column if the opportunity came my way. 

The only thing is, blog posts are the only writing I've been doing of late. My novel's first draft is done but it needs a lot of editing and I. just. keep. putting. it. off. I get so annoyed at myself because I can be on the train, listening to my Pirates of the Caribbean score and ideas just swim into my head and I scramble to add them into the notes on my phone.

But they stay there, awaiting to be written up.

So, excuse me whilst I go and browse Amazon for a boxset of Sex and the City and avoiding my editing plans once more...



A Novel To Be Named

One of my New Years Resolutions (for more than just this year) has been to finish editing my novel, except this year I've broken it down into editing by chapters instead of feeling like I need to do the whole thing in one go. It's less daunting that way.

I finally finished it in the summer of 2013, which I was super relieved about. But, I think I've been putting off editing it because I'm scared of the next step (although having university and now a full time job clearly hasn't helped in stimulating my motivation!) I want to get it published, but I wonder if it's good enough. Will I be rejected? Am I even a good writer? Or should I just stick to it as a hobby?

Yes, I work for a publishing company now, but I don't know if that gives me an upper hand in any kind of way. Plus, I absolutely love my job in general so I don't want them to see it as me going in a different direction. Also, as the heading says, my novel still doesn't have a title. All my ideas aren't strong or captivating enough.

Despite this, I am keeping to my New Years Resolution by managing to have written almost everyday since New Years Eve. I've found that re-writing it from the beginning, by hand, in one of my many beautiful notebooks has given me the motivation to type it up from its original handwritten version, onto my laptop, editing as I go.

Hopefully I can keep this up!



First Post

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So, I've finally decided to start blogging properly as I have spent the majority of the day on tumblr and looking through Zoella's blogs when I really should have been doing more uni work. But, hey ho, I've been working too hard recently. Needed a day of, er, rest...

I'm a quarter of the way through my last year at uni (I think) and have so many things I want to write about. Seeing as I'm doing Creative Writing as part of my combined course it would be silly to not want to write all the time. But because this year is incredibly tough, my anxiety has returned which is getting me very down recently.

So I thought I'd write a list of things to look forward to in the coming months.

Here goes:

1) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Winter Wonderland in December, with Kerri-Ann and Yasmin.

2) Christmas!!!

3) Turning 21 in March and hopefully going to Paris for a long weekend.

4) Going to see Take That in June at the O2 - am so excited!!!!

5) Visiting Dubai for the first time in the summer.

6) Graduating (hopefully!)

7) Possibly some travelling - if I have the guts to do it?

8) And to start looking for a place of my own and a job.

A few of those sound slightly daunting, but they are definitely a motivation - which is well and truly needed at the moment.

Something I am still buzzing (not sure if this is the right word) from is the marriage of two of my friends on the 7th November - Valentina and Daniel. She only announced their engagement about a month ago and I was excited from the get-go. The day was definitely a beautiful one and I am so grateful to have been a part of their special day.

:)