What I'm Loving Right Now

It's been a while since I've done one of these roundups.

I might try and make them a monthly thing next year so it seems a bit more consistent round here.

But, we'll see how that goes!

Also, in my last post I said I'd go over my week at home before realising there's not that much to go over, just a few photos to share which are in this post.

Anyways, here's what I'm loving right now:

1) Re-reading the Harry Potter series - mateeeeeeee, I love these books. I've been meaning to re-read them for some time of late but have just had so many other books piling up in my room that I felt it was stupid to re-read something that's, obviously, already been read. I stopped caring though. Fantastic Beasts has just come out, it's almost Christmas and there's just something about these magical books that are all Christmassy for me. LOVE IT.

2) Selection of movies on at the moment at the cinema - Apart from the annoying fact they moved Underworld: Blood War to FEBRUARY, God damn it, I am thoroughly looking forward to seeing Bad Santa 2, Fantastic Beasts, Allied and Sully.

3) Nearly finished all my Christmas shopping - I am usually pretty organised but last year (I don't know why) was awful. I mean I didn't buy my step-dad's presents until August, August ffs. Granted I wasn't seeing him til late August, but still. I just have three or four more people left to buy for and then I just need to wrap everything and write my cards and hey ho I'm done.

4) Have passed four years with Adeel and starting to plan more things for the future - I'm hesitant to say anything really because every time I do it doesn't happen, but we might have actually mentioned about three holidays next year and I AM SO EXCITED. I have been dying to go away and nothing has fallen into place so I've been awfully grumpy. These past four years have also been the best and I can't wait to spend many more years to come with the love of my life.

5) Even though I feel like I've had a bit of a shit couple of months, I'm really appreciating my friends and family right now, Adeel as well  - I don't know what's going on at the moment with everything, with me, my bladdy hormones flying everywhere. But I am so angry all of the damn time, I've cried a lot, and I'm just plain aggravated at the slightest thing. I've felt awfully alone and considering I'm in a houseshare in London, I really shouldn't feel that way. But I've met up and chatted deeply with my close friends and family so am feeling a bit happier now.

6) Eating healthier and running consistently still (ish) - Okay, so as I write this I may have just demolished a dominoes pizza and cookies and I may have also had a chinese a few days ago and not eaten much fruit this week or ran so far this week, but hellooo it's my week off. I've started alternating having sandwiches for lunch with salads (made by me, not those pre-made ones doused in dressing) at work and I'm trying to eat three or four fruits also a day, as well as having pretty healthy dinners and not eating as much sugar as normal. AND even though it's winter, we're still running about twice a week around other things that crop up. So, sort of doing well, aha.

7) Writing is really coming along - As in I literally only have a few more chapters to write up from my first draft and then I can just get cracking on editing and adding extra scenes in that I may have missed in my haste the first time. And then it's just trying to get published. Oh God...

8) I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! - I missed last years show due to being in Dubai for two weeks at the end of November and I was gutted. This is the one show out of X-Factor, Strictly, Britain's Got Talent that I genuinely love. The others I can do without (in fact I do without most of them), but there's just something about watching celebs suffer out of their usual environment that's so entertaining!

Letting Go Of Fear

I've realised of late that I've been letting fear get the better of me again.

It's not anywhere near as bad as last time, in fact it's a whole different kind of fear (not so much the emetophobia I suffered from before, fear fear).

I've been going running now for quite a few months, yet every time my housemate is busy I feel like I can't go without him for fear of being attacked or laughed at or judged.

It may sound silly, but I've heard a lot of "horror" stories, as it were, about solo female runners and, well, I don't exactly feel like I live in the safest of areas.

So, the solution would be to run in a more public place right? 

Wrong. 

I can't stand the idea of being all sweaty and out of breath and hideous in front of loads of strangers in cars, on bikes, in groups. It makes my heart get all jittery and my stomach ties itself into a million knots.

I just feel ridiculous and like a coward, yet this is the one exercise I've found I really enjoy and keeps me fit and motivated.

There's also the fact that I just bought my first car and I drove it back to London and all of that weekend with my boyfriend beside me, giving me pointers and whatnot, comforting me.

But there comes a point when one must attempt it alone.

It terrifies me that after four years since passing my test they just allow you to get behind the steering wheel once more without so much as a freshen up of a driving lesson as a requirement.

I guess it's difficult for that sort of thing to be enforced but trying to get used to driving again with all the things you have to keep an eye on and all the things you have to remember and getting used to a new car is really really daunting and hard, especially in London.

I won't wear dresses or skirts or show much leg at all because I think they're too pale and people will judge me.

I don't tend to go places alone, especially not restaurants, for fear of looking like a loner or getting picked on by some weirdo. 

It always happens, even just walking down the street, some weirdo will pick me to hurl his insults at or (and this is probably worse) the wolf whistling and cat-calling. It's horrible. I can never tell whether they're being serious or not. Plus it makes me feel really uncomfortable, either way.

I won't finish my book because I'm scared it's just not good enough. I keep putting it off even though I love writing it.

I feel like a coward and like I'm being stupid because I can't seem to work up the courage to do any of these things alone or at all.

What happened to being a strong, independent woman huh if I need someone to do these things with me?

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I wrote this post a few days ago.

Since then, I have in fact driven by myself - albeit only around the block a few times. But I managed to parallel park by myself and I didn't stall once. That equals success in my books.

I wore a dress today, out in Westfield, on a busy Sunday and I ran by myself this morning.

I still need to work on them, trust me, but there's still time to progress.

I will beat back my fears one step at a time.

How I Fit In My Five-A-Day

Most days anyway...

I always used to think for some reason that five fruit and veg a day meant eating five pieces of fruit and five types of veg a day. I mean what nutter could actually do that? Needless to say, I was relieved when I found out it's actually five altogether. Whoops.

Oddly enough though, since I've begun working a 9-5 day I actually find it easier to eat healthier. Strange, huh?

My mum always told me that she struggled at work with eating too many sugary snacks just because "they're there" or "easier to buy" and whatnot.

Okay, so initially when I started work experience in the summer I was eating biscuits and crisps with a sandwich or roll of some sort. But, seeing others at work constantly eating healthy must've clicked something in me. Plus, I work right opposite Borough Market which is a hugeeeeeeee temptation.

But now, during my weekly shop or at weekends I stock up on fresh fruit and veg - which is super cheap(?!). I tend to chop and freeze down the veg to make it easier to cook up quickly and it also lasts way longer. I also cook in batches so I can just reheat everything!

With fruit I grab 2-3 pieces to put with my lunch. If I get hungry throughout my work day I tell myself to eat these first and then I can eat my cereal bar or get a sweet treat (gotta give yourself a reward for all that good eating, right?)

It helps, as well, that my work place offer free fruit in the canteen every day too!

I'm not one for believing in cutting out a whole food group from your diet. If I were to cut out sugar altogether I would just crave it more, whereas if I allow myself a little a day it keeps the cravings at bay - most of the time.

Simple :)

✌