The Difference of a Week

Taken quite a while ago, but found it to be a perfect moment. He loves me massaging his scalp!

How can two Friday's be so different from one another and only a week apart?

Last Friday was amazing, so perfect.

Adeel came over after work and we got all dressed up and went out for a 'date night'.

We'd been talking about it for a while, just not actually done it.

We tend to favour lounging in bed watching movies and TV shows all day over going out, so it was nice to mix things up a bit.

We went to Frankie and Benny's and then after we saw Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children, which, I have to say, was very peculiar indeed.

And then there was the Friday that has just gone.

My boss's last day; a whirlwind of goodbyes and feeling a little bit lost.

Every time I think of work tomorrow, it makes me feel a little blue inside.

Like, I don't want to say I only enjoyed going to work for the people there, but it was a huge part of it.

I hope work does continue to be good though and that I can adapt to this sudden change.

I love my job so much and I really don't want to start resenting it because of this one little blip.

It has helped to have such a good, distracting weekend I must admit.

I spent the whole of yesterday with my best friend, chatting away amiably.

And then today.

Adeel came over, we were both feeling under the weather, but just being snuggled up in his arms for a few hours was amazing.

I can't explain how it makes me feel properly, except that it's all warm and safe and like the outside world can't hurt me whilst I'm there.

I don't know, it was just well needed.

Bring on tomorrow ✊🏻

Dear Diary: A Mix of Emotions

My housemate's girlfriend's dog looks like Gurgi from The Black Cauldron.

I hate change. It terrifies me. The future terrifies me. I guess I like to be in control. Anything different just seems to throw me off. And this week I've been all over the place.

My hormones have been terrible this week, way out of my control. I have felt so so alone and not good enough for anything. I've been having trouble with my driving and my doubts have crept their way back in, and all of that I could have dealt with.

It was even starting to improve yesterday.

And then at work a bombshell was dropped leaving our team shattered and beyond shocked.

My boss has suddenly, completely out-of-the-blue, decided to leave. In two days time.

It may not seem like such a bad thing to others but our little team of four gets on so so well. 

Seriously, we have had so many laughs and I think we've become really good friends, so to find out a mere ten minutes or so before the rest of the company that our boss, a guy that's been in the company for eight years and is pretty much the mogul of speccy excel formulas, is leaving is honestly devastating.

The three of us were just sat all day in complete shock.

I honestly can't see how the company can work without him. There's now going to be all these changes and a reshuffling and relocating for the rest of the team.

I hate that idea. I love my job, so much more than I thought I could ever love it, but for it to now change (so drastically by the sounds of it!) is terrifying.

I've actually been holding in my tears all day, it's affected me that much.

He was the best boss I could have wished for, a wonderful teacher and a great person in general.

And now I have another dilemma tied in with this.

No one but my boss knows how to do my job, so he is obviously the only one who can cover me if I go away.

And a week or so ago I kind of decided I wanted to take a week away to myself, to drive to Ireland and relax.

I've been working very hard at my job but I haven't been away properly since last November, so I think I'm in need of a good rest.

Plus, I feel like I'm relying too much on Adeel. I feel so lost whenever he isn't here.

It's sad because I know I should find my independence and I do have it, like I tend to prefer my own company a lot of the time, it's like being around people too long drains me and all I end up wanting to do is curl up in a ball and read quietly.

But Adeel is the exception.

I never get sick of him (I hope this will still be true later down the line!) and I find myself craving his company.

I don't do things at the weekend unless they're with him. I don't want to go away without him. I don't even want to go running or driving without him. I want to spend every holiday with him and watch all the new film releases with him.

So, although I don't want to be away from him, I really think I should take some time for myself to clear the fog that's crept into my brain of late, to take risks by myself and for myself so I can come back stronger and not feel like I have to constantly rely on anyone.

I should thrust myself into the deep end and take a chance.

I was really excited for this idea, albeit terrified at the same time, and now I don't even know if I can or should do it with what's going on at work.

I haven't booked anything yet but I know where I want to go and roughly when with the odd idea of what I'm going to do whilst I'm there.

And okay, it may not be completely solo, my sister may join me if she has the money/can get the time off from her new job.

But, either way, it would be nice to get some sisterly bonding in there too as we used to get on so well before I went to uni. Although, it's not like we don't get on now, we're just distanced because of our physical whereabouts.

So, if my boss is leaving and no one else knows how to do my job how can I possibly take a full week off? All I'd be doing in my time off would be worrying about what's going on at work and that's not a real break, that's worse.

AGH, I don't know. I really don't know what to do anymore ☹

Life Lately

Well, summer sure has arrived.

London has been sweltering these past few days. My window hasn't been shut in months. There isn't any air in my room even with a fan on, circulating warm air.

But, you know what?

I'm enjoying it.

I used to hate summer. Loathe it in fact. I felt like the heat never agreed with me because I always felt mneh whenever it got over 23 degrees.

I don't know what changed.

Maybe because Adeel really likes the sun and it had an effect on me? Or maybe because I'm a lot happier than I used to be and happy people tend to like the sun I guess.

It's been a quiet few weeks at work with my boss away on his holidays, leaving myself and my other colleague to hold the line in his absence.

We were both worried chaos would rain down on us with an urgent crisis popping up here, there and everywhere. But, nothing of the sort happened. Not one thing. Nada.

I suppose I should appreciate the quiet time as I'm sure it will be busy again soon enough.

The only busy day turned out to be the day before I knew I wasn't going to be in due to an ASAP dentist appointment for my first filling.

But all was under control again by Monday. Filling went ahead with no problems and I feel like a proper adult now with all these weird, adult-y problems (I can't even see the filling).

I also went to see Romeo and Juliet on Wednesday afternoon with a friend which was different.

I'm so used to watching musicals that the lack of music and the strong Shakespearian meant we actually had to concentrate for the couple of hours instead of sitting back and relaxing.

Admittedly, we did only book to see it because a certain Mr Richard Madden (aka Robb Stark) was meant to be Romeo. But, alas, he had a jogging injury so his understudy performed in his place.

We still got to see Lily James and Derek Jacobi though, which was nice.

This weekend has been a slow one, but well needed with the heat we're trying to live through.

Hopefully I'll get to go away somewhere nice soon.

Dreaming of a proper summer holiday.

And also kind of feeling a little regret this week seeing a lot of people posting graduation photos and going off to prom.

Okay, so I live near a school and I saw those people and only those all dressed up, filing onto a number of coaches, evidently going to prom.

My Facebook is the one that has been filled with all of these graduation photos and people announcing their new jobs or new locations and certificates and degrees.

I guess I'm just jealous because I never got a prom and for my graduation it poured it down with rain and I wore jeans instead of a dress. 

Half of my family couldn't even come in to see it, they had to stream it in a restaurant just outside. 

Plus I realised I felt all alone in there. I was surrounded by classmates and teachers and other pupils but I couldn't feel more alone.

They say university is the time for making the "friends for life". 

But he was sat outside with my family, unable to get in due to a two-ticket-per-student rule. Plus he graduated a couple days ahead of me because he was in a different school.

I never really knew how disappointed I was with it all until I saw all of these other people posting their happy, sunny photos with huddles of friends and family.

Sorry for the downer of a post, but a girl is feeling pretty rubbish about it all and wanted to write it out.

Hope your week was a more successful one.



✽