Dear Diary: A Mix of Emotions

My housemate's girlfriend's dog looks like Gurgi from The Black Cauldron.

I hate change. It terrifies me. The future terrifies me. I guess I like to be in control. Anything different just seems to throw me off. And this week I've been all over the place.

My hormones have been terrible this week, way out of my control. I have felt so so alone and not good enough for anything. I've been having trouble with my driving and my doubts have crept their way back in, and all of that I could have dealt with.

It was even starting to improve yesterday.

And then at work a bombshell was dropped leaving our team shattered and beyond shocked.

My boss has suddenly, completely out-of-the-blue, decided to leave. In two days time.

It may not seem like such a bad thing to others but our little team of four gets on so so well. 

Seriously, we have had so many laughs and I think we've become really good friends, so to find out a mere ten minutes or so before the rest of the company that our boss, a guy that's been in the company for eight years and is pretty much the mogul of speccy excel formulas, is leaving is honestly devastating.

The three of us were just sat all day in complete shock.

I honestly can't see how the company can work without him. There's now going to be all these changes and a reshuffling and relocating for the rest of the team.

I hate that idea. I love my job, so much more than I thought I could ever love it, but for it to now change (so drastically by the sounds of it!) is terrifying.

I've actually been holding in my tears all day, it's affected me that much.

He was the best boss I could have wished for, a wonderful teacher and a great person in general.

And now I have another dilemma tied in with this.

No one but my boss knows how to do my job, so he is obviously the only one who can cover me if I go away.

And a week or so ago I kind of decided I wanted to take a week away to myself, to drive to Ireland and relax.

I've been working very hard at my job but I haven't been away properly since last November, so I think I'm in need of a good rest.

Plus, I feel like I'm relying too much on Adeel. I feel so lost whenever he isn't here.

It's sad because I know I should find my independence and I do have it, like I tend to prefer my own company a lot of the time, it's like being around people too long drains me and all I end up wanting to do is curl up in a ball and read quietly.

But Adeel is the exception.

I never get sick of him (I hope this will still be true later down the line!) and I find myself craving his company.

I don't do things at the weekend unless they're with him. I don't want to go away without him. I don't even want to go running or driving without him. I want to spend every holiday with him and watch all the new film releases with him.

So, although I don't want to be away from him, I really think I should take some time for myself to clear the fog that's crept into my brain of late, to take risks by myself and for myself so I can come back stronger and not feel like I have to constantly rely on anyone.

I should thrust myself into the deep end and take a chance.

I was really excited for this idea, albeit terrified at the same time, and now I don't even know if I can or should do it with what's going on at work.

I haven't booked anything yet but I know where I want to go and roughly when with the odd idea of what I'm going to do whilst I'm there.

And okay, it may not be completely solo, my sister may join me if she has the money/can get the time off from her new job.

But, either way, it would be nice to get some sisterly bonding in there too as we used to get on so well before I went to uni. Although, it's not like we don't get on now, we're just distanced because of our physical whereabouts.

So, if my boss is leaving and no one else knows how to do my job how can I possibly take a full week off? All I'd be doing in my time off would be worrying about what's going on at work and that's not a real break, that's worse.

AGH, I don't know. I really don't know what to do anymore ☹

Cherwell Boathouse, Oxford

So this week seems to have been all over the place.

I've had a lot of important problems to consider and not a lot of the usual things are managing to take my mind off of it all.

Hopefully some sort of solution can come about soon, it's sort of just a waiting game really.

Other than that, my manager came back to work this week and all seems back to normal on that front.

We've even come up with a movie club sort of thing between the three of us. 

We each take it in turns on a Friday to select a film we absolutely love on Netflix and then the other two have to watch it over the weekend and on the following Monday we discuss it.

I think it'll be a nice way to introduce new films to one another as well as getting to know each other better I guess.

There's a bit of an age difference between myself and the both of them so I guarantee they probably won't enjoy the films I pick as much, but it will definitely be interesting.

Anyways, I wanted to write this post about my most recent trip to Oxford (birthday weekend in March posts still to come 'cause I'm mega useless).

I think I wrote briefly before how I headed out of work slightly early a couple of Friday's ago and hopped on a train from Paddington to Oxford.

I had everything all meticulously planned out as per usual (it's me of course, I plan everything down to a T).

Everything was going swimmingly - no problems with the underground to Paddington (or nothing I couldn't handle), no problems at Paddington or with my tickets, and no problems finding the bus stop just outside of Oxford station.

But then came the part I was nervous about. The part where I had to get on a bus I didn't know, state where I was going which I did mention to someone who asked where I was going and he'd never heard of it (promising) and then figure out where to get off in a place I didn't know, once I'd eventually gotten on the bus.

None of this happened though as said bus never actually turned up.

My planning would have had me turn up ten minutes before seven, the time when we would all sit down to dinner, but, alas, they were in tatters as I hastily texted Adeel multiple times to come and get me instead, swanning in later than I had planned.

Great start.

Once we had arrived at the boathouse, however, I was in awe in all honesty.

It was such a beautiful location (plus the group we were eating with was a lot larger than I had anticipated).

Cherwell Boathouse (next to River Cherwell) is a beautiful Oxford location primarily known for its wonderful punting spot, the restaurant a clear bonus.

http://www.cherwellboathouse.co.uk/

With the hasty introductions out of the way, we sat down to our chosen starters already at our places (fancy name cards and everything) - we'd previously selected from a menu what each of us would like for starter, main and dessert - and tucked in.

I had chosen a smoked salmon mousse with pickled vegetables, rocket and lemon dressing for my starter and Adeel chose to go with a gazpacho with red onion, sans olives.

I have to say, out of the three courses I was looking forward to the starter the least as I didn't know what it would be like. I'm happy to say it was amazing. Plus the sweet pickled vegetables and lemon dressing really accompanied it well.

Unfortunately Adeel didn't like the gazpacho that much, in fact not at all, but I suppose you can't win them all.

For mains we both chose pan seared rump of lamb with buttered Jersey Royals, Chantenay carrots, summer greens and salsa verde. This was reallyyy something. The meat wasn't chewy like I've found most lamb to be and the rest of the flavours were just perfect. 

I ended up enjoying this more than the dessert and I am definitely more of a sweet person than a savoury!

And finally, for dessert I chose the orange cheesecake with orange gel and pomegranate sorbet and Adeel had the chocolate fondant with raspberry ice cream.

I know when I considered the menu I almost went for the staples I always seem to pick, but I went out of my comfort zone instead as it was an out-of-the-ordinary dinner with good company and a new hope blossoming.

All of the dishes were served beautifully, the portions weren't massive which was perfect for me who has never gotten through a three course meal before (and was worrying all day about how I was going to eat so much!) and the surroundings were stunning, peaceful and definitely a nice way to relax after a long week at work.

I couldn't recommend this place more. It's a bit off the beaten track - at least for me - but I would definitely go again. In fact, I am hellbent on going back and trying the punting at least!

I wish I had taken more pictures (okay, I only took one, I'm really awful at this!) but I just can't bring myself to take pictures of my food, especially as it was quite a nice place and I didn't want all those older people to look down at me.

Oh well, if you would like to see any more pictures their website is here: www.cherwellboathouse.co.uk

This post is not sponsored, all opinions are my own.



☽