Heart to Art

My final piece in Year 11

Think I've just watched the most traumatic episode of television for quite some time.

I mean, it was traumatic for me just because it was so heart wrenching. I even had to go and stand outside for a minute or two after just to think. Horrific.

Note to self: stop watching tv shows about viral outbreaks, they creep you out and they do not have happy endings.

Anyway, other than thinking about the tragic events in that last episode of Containment I have also been thinking a lot of late about art, especially with the timing of the new school year starting (not that I need to think about that anymore).

I never really hated school, but I never really liked it much either. It was so easy back then though and I kind of really miss it.

Roaming the hallways, getting to see your friends everyday, maybe even spend time with them after school sometimes, you'd have giggles over whether or not the guy you liked looked in your direction, or, even better, you actually spoke to him, and you'd learn interesting things and then go home to start on that massive pile of homework.

And then you'd get up the next day and do it all again.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the free evenings and weekends these days with no homework to do, but I miss the rest of it. The socialising, the learning, the growth as a person (physically and mentally).

You get older and you don't realise how much you took for granted. I never appreciated any of that when I was growing up and looking back, I wish I had. I wish I'd slowed down and enjoyed it more instead of wishing it away, wishing to be grown up already.

Okay, so I don't miss the bullies or the fact that I never felt good enough in my classes or for any of the boys I fancied or in the social click I was with.

It's weird. Although I mainly stuck to the one group with my best friend in, I did quite easily get on with a few others in different groups. So, from time to time I would hang out with them too. 

I guess I never really let the type of music I listened to or the clothes that I wore get in the way of who I made friends with. A good lesson to learn so early on considering a workplace (although I still find it to have clicks) is a much easier place to get to know everyone from all backgrounds.

Well, I'm getting rather off topic.

I actually started this post intending to show you a bit of my secondary school art and that I do miss. 

When I was back home, when my parents were visiting, I had a good flick through my art sketchbooks from Year 7 through to Year 11 and you know what? I was inspired.

I put so much work into it all, and not just the pieces of art themselves but the presentation and all.

I remember creating them all though, labouring on each evening with paints and colouring pencils and oil pastels just to get it all completed on time and to the best of my ability. This is the only subject in which you will ever hear me say that I know I deserved that A* and boy am I happy that I got it.

(Please ignore the terrible quality of these photos as they were just quick snaps to document my work as a reminder to myself to get drawing again sometime soon.)

I hope you enjoy them. 

What was your favourite subject at school?

Years 7-9 (I believe), baby me in the top corner

Years 7-9 (I believe)

Years 10-11 (I believe)

Year 11 (I believe)

Year 11

Year 10 or 11

Year 10 (I believe)

Year 10 or 11

Year 10 or 11

Mixture of a few different years!

Year 11

Year 11

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Life Lately

Well, summer sure has arrived.

London has been sweltering these past few days. My window hasn't been shut in months. There isn't any air in my room even with a fan on, circulating warm air.

But, you know what?

I'm enjoying it.

I used to hate summer. Loathe it in fact. I felt like the heat never agreed with me because I always felt mneh whenever it got over 23 degrees.

I don't know what changed.

Maybe because Adeel really likes the sun and it had an effect on me? Or maybe because I'm a lot happier than I used to be and happy people tend to like the sun I guess.

It's been a quiet few weeks at work with my boss away on his holidays, leaving myself and my other colleague to hold the line in his absence.

We were both worried chaos would rain down on us with an urgent crisis popping up here, there and everywhere. But, nothing of the sort happened. Not one thing. Nada.

I suppose I should appreciate the quiet time as I'm sure it will be busy again soon enough.

The only busy day turned out to be the day before I knew I wasn't going to be in due to an ASAP dentist appointment for my first filling.

But all was under control again by Monday. Filling went ahead with no problems and I feel like a proper adult now with all these weird, adult-y problems (I can't even see the filling).

I also went to see Romeo and Juliet on Wednesday afternoon with a friend which was different.

I'm so used to watching musicals that the lack of music and the strong Shakespearian meant we actually had to concentrate for the couple of hours instead of sitting back and relaxing.

Admittedly, we did only book to see it because a certain Mr Richard Madden (aka Robb Stark) was meant to be Romeo. But, alas, he had a jogging injury so his understudy performed in his place.

We still got to see Lily James and Derek Jacobi though, which was nice.

This weekend has been a slow one, but well needed with the heat we're trying to live through.

Hopefully I'll get to go away somewhere nice soon.

Dreaming of a proper summer holiday.

And also kind of feeling a little regret this week seeing a lot of people posting graduation photos and going off to prom.

Okay, so I live near a school and I saw those people and only those all dressed up, filing onto a number of coaches, evidently going to prom.

My Facebook is the one that has been filled with all of these graduation photos and people announcing their new jobs or new locations and certificates and degrees.

I guess I'm just jealous because I never got a prom and for my graduation it poured it down with rain and I wore jeans instead of a dress. 

Half of my family couldn't even come in to see it, they had to stream it in a restaurant just outside. 

Plus I realised I felt all alone in there. I was surrounded by classmates and teachers and other pupils but I couldn't feel more alone.

They say university is the time for making the "friends for life". 

But he was sat outside with my family, unable to get in due to a two-ticket-per-student rule. Plus he graduated a couple days ahead of me because he was in a different school.

I never really knew how disappointed I was with it all until I saw all of these other people posting their happy, sunny photos with huddles of friends and family.

Sorry for the downer of a post, but a girl is feeling pretty rubbish about it all and wanted to write it out.

Hope your week was a more successful one.



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What People Fail To Tell You About Growing Up

No one ever told you the exact age you would start to, well, age. Pretty sure my forehead has gotten a few wrinkles already from just pure frown creases. Boo.

No one ever told you that the jealousy of others would never dissipate. Women and men in their 30s and 40s seem to have it so together but does it ever leave us no matter what clothes, cars or objects we own?

No one ever told you in school the important things you'd need to do as an adult such as taxes, credit cards and how to get by when things aren't going so well.

No one ever told you that you would continue to feel like a teenager even once you're a fully fledged adult.

No one ever told you how hard it is to find different meals to cook each night and not just the same basics over and over again until you want to pull your hair out.

No one ever told you how much you'd regret not doing at university (for most this would probably mean more studying, drinking less and going out less) but for me, I wish I had taken the chance and gone out more.

No one ever told you how hard relationships actually are and how you have to be constantly working at them and figuring out a future together is one of the most exciting, frustrating of processes.

No one ever told you how to have a spotless house all of the time. Where does all that dust come from?!

No one ever told you how to love yourself for who you are and to enjoy your own company.

No one ever told you that your so-called teenage acne would persist into your adult years.

What did no one ever tell you?



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