Thoughts On Being Stubborn

What is the point in being stubborn?

I mean does it really do anyone any good?

adjective

• having or showing dogged determination not to change one's attitude or position on something, especially in spite of good reasons to do so
• difficult to move, remove, or cure

I've tried a lot in the past few months to not be as stubborn as I know I have been, but there are just some weeks that, no matter what, I will be horrifically difficult, so much so that I'm only causing myself problems in the process.

So why are we stubborn?

I find that, for me, being stubborn is actually resisting what I really want to do in my heart. But going against what I want to do is somehow showing that I'm strong, I don't depend on people, or that I've simply given up feeling like I do when I'm not being stubborn.

I have a feeling none of this is making even the slightest bit of sense.

But, for instance, of late I feel a lot like if people want to remain friends then they should contact me first for a change because I always seem to be the one to initiate. But then, should you really think like that if you want to remain friends with them?

One case of this is the fact that someone recently sort of is not in my life so much anymore and they haven't said a word since, yet they've contacted others. I mean maybe the others contacted them first and I'm just overthinking it, but I feel like they don't consider me a friend when I felt like we clearly were for the past year, so I don't know.

The other case is with Adeel. If he annoys me or I'm not getting enough of his attention I tend to be short with him to show that I'm annoyed instead of just telling him what's wrong. And then he gets annoyed and so on. It's stupid. I'm stupid.

I end up arguing with myself back and forth for weeks sometimes about whether or not I should quit being so stubborn and just own up to my mistakes or initiate the conversation.

And a lot of the time I do, but there's this one situation where I just haven't given in yet and I can't bring myself to change my mind otherwise.

Basically being stubborn does you no good in the long run and you should focus on trying to be a better person instead of hoping others will change.

At the end of the day if you're the nicest person you can be then it doesn't matter how others treat you because you've done all you can.

Sorry for the weird rant this week.

Suicide Squad

Merhhhh. 

I swear. This bedroom I live in is either too hot or too cold. It is never just right.

I've got a 40 year old who acts like a toddler in the house, refusing to tidy up after himself so there I am acting like the mother hen and then he just goes and messes it all up again.

The rest of the tenants do jack all to help either.

I'm the youngest in this God damned house and I'm the one with the most common decency and respect for a place we all equally rent and share.

It's infuriating, excruciatingly infuriating living with that monumental asshat and all these randoms time in and time out.

I've been in this house for three years. Three bloody years.

If I don't get out of here soon I'm going to go crazy.

To continue with the rant-like ness I'm going for let's get on with the review.

Suicide Squad, what an absolute pile of crap.

Image From Pinterest

Considering the cast and all of the hype from this film I was expecting a lot more, although the reviews were terrible - I'll give it that.

But instead, I got a half assed plot-line that made absolutely no sense, a bunch of characters with barely any back story or depth to them and a very, very dull 2 hours of trying to stay sane.

The majority of the characters were pretty boring. I don't even remember their names to be honest except The Joker, Harley Quinn and the Witch/Enchantress, whatever you want to call her.

I can't make up my mind if I liked Cara Delevingne's character or not. She was beautiful, obviously but the voice when she changed into the witch was a bit weird plus she was defeated way too easily for my liking.

Will Smith was boring. Jai Courtney was boring.

Boring, boring, boring.

And don't even get me started on what I thought of The Joker. Terrifyingly and unnecessarily unattractive for starters, awful acting and - even though he was made out to be a bleedin' main character - was only actually in the film for a sum of about ten minutes.

Jared Leto should stick to singing. At least he's good at that.

Right, the positives of the film - however few there may be - was that I rather liked and enjoyed Margot Robbie's performance as Harley Quinn.

I can see how she may irritate some as she was quite full on, but I thought she did a great job and really pulled the film through to the end.

I also appreciated the wonderful cinematography. The vivid colours and the way it was shot was beautiful, it's just such a shame the content was all over the place.

Comic book films, superhero films, super villain films, whatever you want to call them, are getting too much.

Overkill or what.

Please do yourself a favour if you haven't seen this and do not watch it.

Glad I didn't pay to see this shite in the cinema.

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Rating:
★☆☆☆☆

Do You Ever Feel Not Good Enough?

Don't get me wrong, I love both of my parents to pieces but I often feel that my efforts or achievements go unnoticed or get brushed aside, like I could have done better.

I've recently been made permanent in my job (previously being on a short-term contract) and, obviously, I let both of my parents know almost straight away. After initial happiness, my dad asked me if I got a raise (something he keeps pestering me about), which makes me infuriated because I've only been there officially since October - having done a bout of work experience and an internship on and off since June. I'm happy with what I'm being paid, especially considering I only graduated in November! Plus, it's not exactly like it's a bad amount, it's great!

And then there's my mum. Every time I say I've taken a day off work or cancelled plans because of feeling unwell, she'll make me feel really guilty and worried, putting thoughts in my head that the company will let me go or that my friends may give up trying to get together. It makes me feel way worse than I already did! I mean I started off in waitressing, where they made me feel guilty for being ill - it's like the top guys didn't ever get sick or they would have expected you to work through it. So, you know, I already feel incredibly guilty before my mum even says anything. I've taken to not even telling her now because I know what she'll say.

And I'm not even going to say what comments they've made about my relationship or my anxiety. I just can't believe some of the stuff that comes out of their mouths, it makes me feel like I can't even talk to them sometimes. And it doesn't help that one of them lives halfway across the world and the other isn't very talkative on the phone!

/Rant over.

I know this is a very moany post and I do want to reiterate that I love them both so much and I appreciate everything they've ever done for me, I just had to get this off my chest - it's been bothering me for a long while.

Anywayssss, I'm happy with my job, my pay, my relationship, the amount of sick days I've actually taken compared to my attendance at uni last year and how I keep improving my control over my anxiety.

And that's all that matters, right?!

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How To Live With People You Don't Get On With

When you have to of course.

Whether it's a sibling, parent, other half, friend or a complete stranger, it's never good to snap at someone over something that probably isn't even that big of a deal. Which could also probably have been avoided or talked about calmly. God knows everyone has bad days, hell, I sure have, but that can make living with someone a total nightmare and incredibly uncomfortable if you end up arguing all the time.

If this said someone is rude to you, or messy or keeping you awake at night, talk to them first. If you do it politely they are more likely to listen to you and do as you are asking, whereas if you shout at them, you may not get anywhere with your issue.

I've had firsthand experience at asking my housemates calmly to be quiet the following morning as well as exploding at them in the middle of the night because I couldn't take it anymore. And guess which one worked the best?

If you can't talk to them about it or they continue to ignore your polite requests, find something that calms you or, just remind yourself, living with someone you don't get on with isn't forever. Hopefully. Count down the days until you can move out if needs be.

Living with family, friends or other halves is probably more of a learning curve of compromise and gritting your teeth. Plus, you probably wanted to live with them at some point. Whereas, living in a shared house is just ideal at the time.

I have 3 housemates that, I don't know whether it's because of their culture, but are incredibly, incredibly noisy all of the damn time. Whether it's stomping up the stairs, or slamming their bedroom doors or even just talking in the kitchen - which by the way is the furthest point in the house from my bedroom. Then there's one of them that constantly looks and talks down on me, who has such a close-minded view of things that it is very infuriating to try and get my point across. In fact, I'm pretty sure he does things just to annoy me sometimes.

It helps that I've got at least one housemate I get on really well with. We both feel the same pains and talking about it together is a good way to vent our feelings! If not, then I usually rant over the phone to my boyfriend or my mum! Lucky them.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is: not everybody gets along fine all of the time. You just have to look at things rationally and try to keep a cool head whether you like it or not. Living in Uni halls and now a shared house for the past three years has definitely enabled me to learn about what I'm like to live with as well as many other types of people!

Only a few more months and maybe, just maybe, I can finally move out of this place...


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