Bad Habits

I have so many bad habits, I don't even know where to start. I thought I would write this post because the main ones have gotten a lot worse again and I don't know whether I'm subconsciously stressing about something I can't put my finger on or what. I just know I'm going crazy every time I catch myself doing one of them of late and I need to figure out a way to deal with them once and for all!

I used to be so good at being on time to everything, like not even on time, I would be mega early

So, here they are in all their glory:

1. Picking at my spots - on my face, on my arms, on my chest, on my back, you name it, I'll find a way. I've even noticed myself doing it in public now, like at work or something, which definitely isn't good. I hate walking around, even if it's just in my house, with red blotches and dried blood somewhere on my upper body because of it.

2. Chewing my inner cheeks/lips - I can't 100% remember why I started this nasty little habit, but I think it had something to do with wearing braces and them rubbing my cheeks raw in the meantime so afterwards all I've been able to do is chew them. My friend's mum even told us once that it caused mouth cancer to put us both off of doing it. We then found out this was a lie and picked up the habit again!

3. Doubting myself - I've always been shy and I've never really thought of linking that with the fact that I compare myself to others constantly. Whether it's grades in school or the way a girl looks, I'll always feel inferior to people. It doesn't help either that I have such a quiet voice and pretty much everyone talks over me.

4. Wasting weekends - this one has been pretty bad for a while (although starting to pick up now because I'm going insane staying indoors and not doing anything other than work and TV!). It's not that I feel like I'm wasting them at the time because I'm relaxing and that's what I like to do over going out any day. It's just that people are always going out, doing adventurous, wonderful things and all I do is sit at home. So, yes, this probably links back to the comparing thing. I get awfully jealous that I can't be as willing to try new things and to venture out more.

5. Negativity - now I know I've stated this one in a previous post in saying that I would stop being so negative all of the damn time. Well, there are good days and then there are the bad days. I've lately started focusing on my thoughts again, catching the negative ones and changing them to a more reasonable approach. I've also recently started meditating to see if I can calm all of my angry thoughts!

6. Lazy - see back to the wasting weekends point but also I'm struggling to find any motivation at all to work out after work or to even finish editing my novel once and for all. I just keep procrastinating everything and I'm getting sick of it. I really need to find my motivation again.

7. Timekeeping of late - I used to be brilliant at turning up on time for everything. I would even go as far as to be exceptionally early for events in fear that people would judge me if I turned up late. Now, I leave as late as possible in order to be just about on time. I don't know whether this is because my work is a little more relaxed about it, but I would like to turn up more on time, even if only for me!

I'm sure there are more bad habits that I have, I know I almost named some of my flaws as well, mixing the two. But, for now, these are the ones that are bugging me the most.

What bad habits do you endure?

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Stopping Negativity

I read a post the other day that said something along the lines of "you should own your successes" and that got me thinking about the way I've been handling things.

I am so negative in general that I get on my own nerves at times. I always see the bad side and, well, I can be way too serious. I haven't even taken credit for getting my current job. Yes, it was partly luck or fate or whatever you call it with the timing that I got picked for the work experience out of all of the candidates in the first place that led to my job. But even so, was it a coincidence or did something on my CV stand out to grab their attention?

Even so, just me applying in the first place was through my own initiative and no one else's. Plus, the working super hard to make a good impression during my work experience evidently paid off, setting me up in the future for this job.

Every time I have spoken to someone about my job, I made it out to be a "lucky break" and that doesn't do much to help my confidence. I applied for the job, I worked hard, I got the job. I am responsible for my own future, not luck.

I've also been pretty negative in the past about my other job opportunities. Although waitressing (I was actually a food runner, but who even knows what they are unless you've been in that industry?!) wasn't the best fit, it was ideal at the time. I earned money and valuable skills whilst doing so. I'm not one to particularly enjoy a whole group of peoples company, especially tourists, but that job definitely helped me to gain confidence, strength (physically and mentally!) and a lot of patience. Plus, I occasionally got some tips and not all of the shifts or my colleagues were terrible. Free food with a beautiful view at the end of my shift was also a nice bonus.

And where do I start with Photography? Although I may have thought the teacher's methods were a pain in the ass and I didn't enjoy the majority of the projects or my classmates (what is it with the arts and stuck up snobs?), I think pursuing photography - even if just at academic level - plays a huge part in who I am and where I am today. If I hadn't of studied it I wouldn't have met the people I have done, and those ones are some of the most important ones. So, no, I wouldn't change that for the world no matter how aggravated I got repeatedly with all of my photography teachers over the five years of college and uni.

Now, the one I'm still struggling with at times - house sharing. This is constantly a battle for me sharing with multiple tenants. Especially when there's a partial language barrier between some of us. I can't stand mess and the tiniest of things get on my nerves, but at the end of the day it's a roof over my head, plenty of opportunities to meet and socialise with people I wouldn't normally have done so with, new languages to learn, new friends and a home in London. Having said all of that, I can't wait for September when I can move in with Adeel - and that's when all the fun begins and we have to learn to put up with each other's annoying little habits full time!

So here's to positivity - may I try harder to be a better, happier person, to enjoy life instead of moaning about it and to appreciate everything I do have.

And what better time to start it than my birthday month ☘

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