Social Pressure

So, this post is going to seem hella out of the blue but it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately and wanted to get off of my chest. Plus, I'm not even too sure on how to write it without coming across.. weird, yanno?

It was my nan's birthday yesterday and I've been trying to go home a lot more as, well, they're getting on a bit and I miss seeing them as much as we used to as kids. We used to spend 2 weeks with my mum, 2 weeks with my dad and 2 weeks with my grandparents (6 weeks seemed like forever back then!) and then secondary school hit, and I just saw them less and less until I barely saw them at all when I was at uni. Granted, it was tougher considering I was in London and not a ten minute drive from them, but still.

It's just been on my mind a lot that I haven't seen them enough and I'm trying to make up for it in a way. I just don't feel as close to my family as some people do. Like, we have good chats and stuff when we're together, we just never seem to make the effort to see each other a lot. I don't know, we're weird.

Anyways, I digress.

So I shot over to St. Pancras International after work on Friday to be greeted by a whole hoard of people - there had been a signal failure further up the line causing delays. I cried on the inside but once I'd hopped on the train, we were actually only five minutes later leaving than scheduled - hurray!

We had a nice chill evening in watching Jurassic World and chatting away, settling in for the night in preparation for the following day.

After my sister had finally finished faffing about, doing God knows what, we headed over to my grandparents yesterday afternoon. We arrived before everyone else (just us and the grandparents) and settled in for my granddads infamous buffet-style dinner (he used to be a chef back in the day so I always look forward to the food!)

And then the others showed up, including my cousin and her baby.

Which leads me to my confession.

I'm really really broody. Like, I don't think I can control it right now, especially when I see my cousin's daughter. She is sooooo adorable.

But, well, basically, this post was meant to be addressing the fact that most women still feel the pressure to have kids even if they don't want them. I used to not want kids, as in I loathed the idea of them and any I came into contact with and whenever I aired the fact that I didn't want them, people would just look at me and be all "you'll change your mind, trrrrust me."

And then there are the others that are all "you should be grateful you can have kids, you're so selfish if you don't want to take advantage of what you can have, blah blah blah."

No.

I just think it's ridiculous that women have to feel like this, like it's hard wired into our DNA and we're meant to want this. Men don't have to want to have them, so why do we? We're allowed to play the field, be career or goal orientated.

Okay, so I have changed my mind but that's not because I feel pressured to, it's because I want to.

I'm still torn though. I mean I really really want them at the moment, but I'm also loving my job and don't want to take time off right now (plus there's the whole living situation and whatnot - which will hopefully be changing in the near future. Fingers crossed!)

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is I guess it doesn't help that I've been home a lot more recently for family birthdays and seeing my second cousin's adorable little face and the way my cousin has changed, it just makes me want it way more. Plus, A is so family-orientated that just seeing him with his little nephews and nieces makes my heart melt.

I don't know if any of this made sense or whether it was a random mishmash of my thoughts, but, yeah, I wanted to write it out, clear my head as it were.

I should definitely write spontaneously more often.

Let me know your thoughts!



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