Judgement

Earlier this month I pretty much saw somebody I know lose almost everything he had. We look at other people's relationships like they're better than ours, never actually knowing what goes on behind closed doors and over the past few months I got a glimpse into the imperfect side, of the breaking down of a relationship and of its complete and utter crumbling apart. 

It made me think, how well do we really know someone?

I lived with this couple, they shared a room just next to mine in this house share of ours. But I went around - since the time they moved in almost 2 years ago I think?! - passing judgement, thinking I knew exactly what was going on, when all in all, I think I was completely wrong.

I watched as she seemingly did all of the so called "chores" us women sometimes get lumbered with. She cleaned her room thoroughly once a week, she did all of the laundry many times a week, she cooked, she did the grocery shopping. All I ever saw of him was smoking in the garden or chatting amiably on the iPad to somebody back in Spain. Yes, I envied them at times with what I thought was their easy going nature and seemingly non-complicated lifestyle - but did I have it all wrong?

She left him earlier this month, emptying the contents of their lives into the bin - or taking it with her - leaving him with bare essentials, an empty room to continue renting and feelings of hatred, anger and hurt seeping through every word he said to me.

I think it's common that when someone leaves a relationship both parties resent the opposite sex, they blame the whole gender for that one persons behaviour, that one person they shared their lives with, even for a segment of it. But it brought me to the realisation that we all say things in the heat of the moment not knowing how much we are going to regret later on.

My relationship had every chance of turning out like theirs did, but it didn't and maybe I shouldn't take that for granted. I should try to keep my anger, mood swings, whatever, in check from now on. I don't want to end up hating him or making him hate me because I take my emotions out on him.

I feel so bad for the guy in my house share - obviously I don't know the full story, and I never will, but it really does make you think what a person is capable of or how they really feel. I thought the girl was selfish in this relationship, but only after he'd told me what went down. From his description she sounded controlling and my first words after he'd told me what she'd done was that she was crazy, but I still have no right to pass that judgement not knowing what has truly happened.

He's gone now too and every trace of them will be gone from this house when somebody else moves in, but what I'll remember of them will always stay with me - good and bad. I wish him all the best, and her too. I hope they find it in themselves to forgive one another for whatever it is that broke them apart. I hope they find love they can enjoy again. And I hope they don't regret a thing.

It's time to stop holding on to it all, maybe for me too. Why is it so hard to do the easy thing of simply letting all that built up anger and resentment go?



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Tough Love

Relationships are hard. Like really hard. And comparing your own to other, seemingly flawless couples out there can be a killer.

I'm not an expert at relationships, hell I'm not even an intermediate. But I still have a habit of comparing my own relationship to everyone else's that I come across - be it strangers on the tube entwining their fingers together or a loved up picture on Instagram.

No one ever really knows your relationship like you do. It doesn't matter how many copious details you spill to your bestie, they will never know what really goes on behind closed doors.

And, anyways, what works for one couple might not necessarily work for another. We're all unique and handle situations differently. We work through things how we see fit and not the other way around. Yes, we may try something someone has advised or suggested us to do, but in the end, it's whatever makes you both comfortable at the end of the day as to how you get through your issues.

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So, why do we still compare our relationships to theirs? Are we defined by the places we've been, the things we've done? Or by our Instagram photos, our Facebook updates?

There is no right way to do a relationship. They just unfold before us. 

It's a matter of perspective and learning and a relentless amount of compromise that sees us through.

Each to their own.

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The Soundtrack To My Life

I've been thinking a lot about music lately, about what specific songs mean to each individual, to each generation or to each nation. Music is so powerful, a simple lyric can bring back so many memories and I wanted to share with you today some of the songs that mean something to me, more than the normal love for a song.

To start, here are a few that uplift me, the ones that can always make me happy:

✴ Pharrell Williams - Happy
(This is probably a really obvious one, right? That scene in Despicable Me 2? Love it. This song always makes me happy because it's so upbeat!)
✴ David Bowie - Changes
(I don't even know how to describe my love for this song, except for recently making me feel a tad sad with the loss of this legend, the song still makes me feel incredibly uplifted)
✴ Rascal Flatts - Life Is A Highway
(Every time this comes on on my iPod when I'm on the tube, I have to contain myself really hard to not start blurting out all of the lyrics very loudly)

♫

Some that make me sad and most probably cry bucketfuls:

✴ Miley Cyrus - When I Look At You
(I heard this song for the first time when I watched The Last Song and it has moved me ever since. Seriously, I cry pretty much every time I listen to it)
✴ Michelle Branch - Goodbye To You
(Now, I've only listened to this song and the one below in the past year or so, but I discovered it when watching an episode of Buffy (God, I love that show) and, well, it was at the time when my relationship was in tatters and I was hurting, so this song really stuck in my mind)
✴ Nicole Scherzinger - Run
(The same as above, I somehow came across this song when I was hurting and it is so so powerful. Her voice is spectacular and even now when these two songs come on, all of those feelings come rushing back - but they are so good that I can't not listen to them. This song could also be in the category below - sends shivers down my spine every time)
✴ Charlie Puth - See You Again
(For obvious reasons this song makes me sad. Paul Walker? End of Fast and Furious 7? Cried like a baby in the cinema. Twice)

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The ones that make me shiver because the lyrics or the vocals are so amazing:

✴ Kate Voegele - Hallelujah
(I seem to discover all of my favourites on TV shows, this one was on an episode of One Tree Hill and I have to say, I think this is the best version of Hallelujah, it is absolutley stunning but I still don't really get what the song lyrics are about!)
✴ Gabrielle Aplin - The Power Of Love
(I used to associate this song with Christmas as the Frankie Goes To Hollywood version is on a Christmas album my family has, but since hearing this cover version, I love it more than ever. I think there's something about acoustic versions of songs that just make me appreciate the lyrics and vocals even more)
✴ Christina Perri - A Thousand Years
(This one is another of those that can fall into a different category, most likely the one where it gets me to appreciate or feel more in love. I know it's in Twilight, but it's beautiful)

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These ones make me feel empowered, strong. I can listen to them on full blast without a care in the world:

✴ Jessie J, Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj - Bang Bang
(I don't know what it is about this song, but I think it's something to do with strong women and it's a song that just makes me feel good when I listen to it)
✴ Cheryl - I Don't Care
(This is another one that's similar to above and just makes me want to jump around my bedroom singing along to it, it makes me forget all my worries and problems for a couple of minutes!)
✴ David Bowie - Heroes
(I loveeeeeeeee this bloody song! It's just amazing and I love David Bowie's voice and I love that it was included in The Perks of Being a Wallflower, that scene is beautiful and I JUST LOVE THIS SONG)
✴ David Bowie - Rebel Rebel
(Another of Mr. Bowie's. Basically this category are the feelgood ones that go beyond normal happiness)
✴ Take That - Hold Up A Light
(I'm sorry, I had to include a Take That one, okay? It's either this one, or Never Forget or Rule The World. But there is just something about this one that I love the most)
✴ Bon Jovi - I'll Sleep When I'm Dead
(Says it all in the name of the song really. Gets me through some of those moments where I'm so tired and want to give up on everything)

♫

The songs that make me appreciate love even more:

✴ Miley Cyrus - Dream
(I'm not even slightly ashamed to say this is in the Hannah Montana Movie because this song is brilliant, in fact, Miley Cyrus is brilliant even in her crazy ass state, she's still a wonderful singer)
✴ Ellie Goulding - Army
(I've only heard this recently but there was a specific lyric in it that called out to me "we both know what they say about us, but they don't stand a chance because, when I'm with you, I'm standing with an army")
✴ Ellie Goulding - Love Me Like You Do
(Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack is the best thing about the film and this song is the best of the bunch. I don't care if the film was rubbish in itself, this song just makes me feel all loved up)
✴ Paramore - Still Into You
(Ah, Paramore. This one is just a sweet reminder that romance does last)
✴ Carly Rae Jepson - I Really Like You
(I just love this video, especially that Tom Hanks is in it, and the song just makes me want to bounce around and smile all day)
✴ Eric Carmen - Hungry Eyes
(Out of all of the songs in this category, this one is my favourite at the moment. Seriously, I. Can't. Stop. Listening. To. It. It's even better than Dirty Dancing's signature tune. LOVE IT)

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And finally, and notably the list that gets listened to the most, the one I listen to when I'm angry, that I also listen to on full blast, glaring at everyone in my path:

✴ Aerosmith - Dude Looks Like A Lady
(Seriously, most of these songs have links to one film or another! Mrs Doubtfire. Every time I hear it I think of that scene, Robin Williams dressed as an old woman cleaning the house! It is just amazing to listen to when I'm angry though - you won't hear a thing from anything else around you if you do listen to this one full blast!)
✴ Gavin DeGraw - I Don't Want To Be
(One Tree Hill theme song and another brilliant masterpiece. One I listen to when I feel people are trying to change who I am)
✴ Bon Jovi - Blame It On The Love Of Rock And Roll
(Ugh, man, Bon Jovi is a God. I don't know why I listen to this one when I'm angry but it's probably because of the insance guitar riffs and rock vibe)
✴ OneRepublic - Secrets
(Another one from a film, this time The Sorcerer's Apprentice. Listen to this one when you're just done with hiding how you really feel. "I'm gonna give all my secrets away")
✴ Robbie Williams - Let Me Entertain You
(Had to end it on the one I always, always listen to when I'm angry. It's fast, Robbie's voice is all gravelly and it's just so so good to listen to at top volume!)

♫

So there you have it, a little peek into my iPod playlists according to my mood! Obviously these aren't all of the songs, but they are definitely the ones I listen to most often and that I never, ever, get sick of!



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The Great Gatsby

I'd heard a lot about this story, especially in the past few years, and with so many good reviews on the novel and the film, how could I pass on the opportunity to read it as well? 

I'm pleased to say I thoroughly enjoyed it too!

[Young, handsome and fabulously rich, Jay Gatsby is the bright
star of the Jazz Age, but as writer Nick Carraway is drawn into
the decadent orbit of his Long Island mansion, where the party
never seems to end, he finds himself faced with the mystery of
Gatsby's origins and desires. Beneath the shimmering surface of
his life, Gatsby is hiding a secret: a silent longing that can never
be fulfilled. And soon, this destructive obsession will force his
world to unravel.]

I loveeeeee the way Fitzgerald writes - all of that detailed description and the time period he often sets his novels in is just perfectttt. The plot was great, but having seen the film first, all I could do was picture Leonardo DiCaprio saying "old sport" with a martini glass in hand. Not that that was a bad thing. But I evidently saw the end coming the entire time, making it somewhat less dramatic.

It got a little confusing at times, the writing seemingly jumping ahead or trailing off and never filling in the details or picking back up from where it left off. Maybe that was the effect he was going for as the narrator himself was writing the events down as he remembered them, causing the skimming over of particular details that he himself may have had trouble remembering?

I didn't like Tom at all, especially that he could get away with having an affair and Daisy couldn't - maybe this just portrays the time the novel was set in well. But still, hypocritical much? Also, where on Earth was Daisy for the entire end of the novel?? She just disappeared, not even fazed by the events that occurred.

Even though I did know the ending because of the film, it still left me feeling a bit deflated and bad for poor old Gatsby. Did no one really care for him at all but just for his fabulous parties? It's just too sad.

Although, I guess it was actually nice to see a love story not end with the typical 'happy ever after' for a change! If you can even call it a love story with Daisy being so all over the place.

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The Final Paris Adventure

Minus the other two, Yasmin and I headed off early to Montmartre to see the Sacre Coeur, bags packed and left in the trusty hands of our check-in receptionists (Yasmin had been the previous day - God knows what I was doing - but we wanted to buy everyone French novelty gifts!).

With the sky a tremendous blue and the sun shining down on us for the first time in our four days, we soaked it all up not wanting to waste a second of the beautiful March day. We headed around all of the typical touristy shops and stalls, finding a little cobbled square full of boutique cafes and antiques, spending our Euros as we went on plenty of souvenirs, chocolates and pastel coloured macaroons!

We came across the most beautiful chocolatier - stunning architectural French buildings were carved into slabs of chocolate and put on display behind glass cases, taking our breath away.

Before we wound our way back to the hotel to pick up our luggage for our return journey home, we perched ourselves on a rustic bench beneath the shadows of an overhanging tree up on the hillside, the Sacre Coeur above us, surveying the hustle and bustle of Paris in all of her beauty below us.

What a perfect way to end our trip and a great gift to myself for my twenty first birthday for the following day!

Although I was disappointed in myself for not being able to explore as freely as I would have liked or in being comfortable abroad in myself, I really did enjoy my time there and it was definitely a stepping stone to get my confidence up with travelling and facing my many fears (I mean since this time last year I have been to Dubai for two weeks with a combined time of 14 hours on a plane as well as doing many days/weekends out of my comfort zone, including a recent weekend to Oxford for my 22nd birthday! Although I'm happy to report that that wasn't so out of my comfort zone and I am slowly conquering my fears once and for all. Can't wait to bring you the posts on my time in Oxford!❤)

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Walking Through Paris

On our third and final full day we met up with my other couple of friends that had joined us the evening before and tried another cafe, talking through our plans for the day ahead of us. I vaguely remember deciding on going to some sort of chocolate museum, walking all of the way there and not even going in (think it looked small and rubbish) and then settling for another cafe making more decisions for our day.

We then did a lot more walking all the way to the Pont des Arts, otherwise known as the lock bridge, and took the obligatory photos.

Think this was the closest I got to the Eiffel Tower

We then wandered over to the Louvre and joined the massive queue, but then thought better of it and meandered off down towards Champs-Élysées instead, taking more pictures as we went.

Apologies for the world's crappest photo of the Arc de Triomphe 

We stopped for food again and then me and Yasmin decided to head back, tired from all of our walking. The others headed on as they wouldn't have any time in the morning before their train.

Shameless Paris selfie

My new favourite mug

Later in the evening we all ordered pizza, played numerous games (including my beloved Uno) and the others drank some cheap wine which was such a nice way to finish off a long day and our few days together!

The others were leaving early the next morning so we bid our farewells and with a few hours to kill the next morning, we packed in preparation and settled in for our final sleep in the hotel

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Jurassic Park: The Lost World

By Michael Crichton

[It is now six years since the secret disaster at Jurassic

Park. Six years since the extraordinary dream of science

and imagination came to a crashing end - the dinosaurs

destroyed, the park dismantled, the island indefinitely

closed to the public.

Now there are rumours that something has survived...]

The second and last of the Jurassic Park novels and the worst out of the two unfortunately. It took a very, very long time to get into the action of it all and, in fact, was absolutely nothing like it's film counterpart except for one scene - the trailer over the cliff.

This scene was done particularly well, being very tense and so well-written. It's just a shame I didn't enjoy the whole book as much as the first one. Maybe it's because I'm not a huge fan of the second film which probably made me biased and doubtful for this book (thank God that awful T-Rex scene in the city was not included in the novel! How ridiculous was that scene?!)

Although it did have a slow start, the plot itself was pretty good. It certainly kept me intrigued and I love love love how Crichton was able to use so much detail about the dinosaurs, mathematics, animal behaviour and scientific theories as well as keeping it very action-packed!

I also quite liked Malcolm and Sarah's characters. Malcolm was still his usual self and Sarah's addition was welcomed with the loss of such great characters from the first one (however Grant and Ellie were briefly mentioned near the beginning which was nice!). The kids - Kelly and Arby - were cute and brought some innocence to the story. Levine, on the other hand, was irritating - although I think that was the idea! And of course Lewis Dodgson was also a character I didn't like, but that was to be expected as the anti-hero of the novel.

The conflict between the science companies and Malcolm/Sarah's team was definitely played up in the film version. It was more of a small team of three to four against one another in the novel as to the whole host Sarah's team is battling in the film. I feel this made the book have a more personal feel to it as the intentions were made clear in what each team wanted out of this illegal visit.

The ending was a little rushed and unrealistic to me (well, as unrealistic as a novel about dinosaurs can be) which ruined it a little bit. Like the first one, they got themselves into a lot of trouble but seemed to get themselves out of it too easily - yes plenty of characters died and a few injured, but I didn't really feel the protagonists lives were really at stake.

Still, well worth a read as the follow-up to the first one though!

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