"Falling In Love Is The Easy Part"

I came across this video (below) the other day and it really struck something in me (from about 9:30 onwards, although the entire video is definitely worth a watch). In a way, Mandy Len Catron has reassured me that a relationship isn't always meant to be excitement and joy, it's a lot of work, and she even went so far as to say love is a choice.

I've been in a relationship now for just over three years. We broke up after one year and 11 months because neither of us knew how to deal with our problems - this is my first relationship ever and he hasn't been in any other long-term ones - so we broke it off, thinking it would be best for us to just stay friends.

It wasn't.

I was hurting. He was hurting. I joined Tinder on New Years Eve of that year after my best friend and her sister were swiping away, encouraging me to join in. I flirted a bit with some genuinely nice people, and then there were some particularly crude guys that I chose to ignore. With this, I continued to see my ex (at the time) as well. 

He went on a date, which hurt me more. And we both just ended up more confused and hurt than ever with our complicated situation. We both seemed to be trying to move on, but with each other still in our lives - not wanting to let go completely.

Three and a half months later, we decided to get back together, coming to an agreement that we needed to communicate more and try harder with each other. This led to us being happier than ever and, now, just over another year later we are still going strong.

That's not to say that we don't still have some tough times, obstacles that need to be overcome in order for us to progress - but we are much better than the first time around. We are in a much happier place now and I think that is what Mandy was getting at. 

"Falling in love is not the same thing as staying in love."

Love is a choice because any one of us could choose to take the easy way out and end a relationship for another seemingly simpler one, or because it doesn't have the same spark it once did. But, choosing to continue and work through all of your hard problems, resisting temptation, is what I believe is the best thing. It's difficult and you can sometimes want to end it, but choosing to stay with that person through thick and thin is what life is all about. You want someone to support you through everything, and you them.

It's scary to think that either one of you could fall out of love with one another or in love with someone else. But is it that truly love or is something lacking in your current relationship that only needs a little bit of work? Throwing something great away for a spur-of-the-moment feeling could be a waste of your time when the relationship you're already in could just need a little bit of TLC.

Doubt is the hardest thing to battle with, especially when both you and your partner have to deal with it. But, I would rather have a relationship with someone who is my best friend, someone who knows me inside and out and loves me, even with all of my flaws - and his - than to give it up for something that could just end up being a fling or because my brain is all over the place, not knowing what to do, or how to cope with either of our doubts. 

He may frustrate me, or me him (definitely), but I know I will always be there for him, and him me because time and time again we choose to work through our problems and to be with one another through it all.

"Love didn't happen to us. We're in love because we each made the choice to be."

So, Happy Valentine's day, I hope you spend it with someone who means the world to you - whether that be an other half, family or friends.

Treasure them. Appreciate them. Love them unconditionally.

❤